Make 'Em Wish For Disco


Australia needs to take another look at the concept of ‘cruel and unusual’. Officials there have turned the songs of Barry Manilow into Weapons of Mass Distraction - something not very hard to do.

‘The smooth crooner who hit the heights of the charts in the 70s with classics like “Mandy”, “I Write The Songs” and “Weekend In New England”, is now finding his hits used for another purpose – repelling teenagers.

It worked for me when I was a teenager. And it’s still amazingly effective.

‘Officials in Sydney, Australia will soon begin piping the singer’s music over loudspeakers in local parks to try to get souped-up car fans from disturbing the peace.’

Fighting fire with fire, I suppose. But then there goes the suicide rate.

‘Seems the auto aficionados gather in local areas to rev their engines, do wheelies and turn their sound systems up full blast, driving neighbours in the area to distraction.’

I’d rather hear the cars.

‘The answer? Muzzle ‘em with Manilow by piping in his tunes with enough volume that it will be noticeable to the kids, but not enough to disturb homeowners.’

Oh, they’ll hear it, and pretty soon these same officials will be inviting the kids back to drown out the sound of gunfire from the neighbors shooting themselves in the head.